August 28, 2008
Pornography Is Not A Respector Of Persons
This porn industry isn't flourishing because nobody is interested. Although it is stereotyped to be an addiction for men there are plenty of women that are addicted to porn as well. It doesn't matter whether it is soft porn (your sports illustrated swimsuit addition, the latest Victoria Secret catalog, etc.) or hard porn (XXX videos and stores, playboy, internet websites, etc.) this is a problem for many people.Ten years ago I would have been shell shocked to think that even Christians have this issue as well. They are human too. But being a Christian makes it hard for those individuals to get help for the fear of being condemned by friends and loved ones.
Through the years I have listened to wives and girlfriends as they cry their eyes out because they found their spouse/boyfriend looking at porn. These men are not nasty old men lurking around that creep people out. These are good men who love the ones they are with. Even though some of them don't agree that they have a problem, some of these men hate their addiction and want a change. 9 out of 10 of them have been addicted to porn since they were young. Most will agree that they are not looking at it because they do not think highly of their wife/girlfriend or that they aren't attracted to her anymore. Their addiction is about the individual and is usually not linked with their wife/girlfriend at all. This is something they just can't let go of.
Over the years, I have decided that I will assume that everyone has this issue because honestly, most of the people that look at porn will never admit it, and those that you would never think would do so actually is. I would rather them be comfortable sharing their issues and be able to get help than to keep it inside waiting for the day it blows up in their face....either by their wife/husband finding out and not knowing how to deal with it or their kids walking in on them and being scarred for life.
Call it 'life experience'. Call it 'that's the way the cookie crumbles'. Call it 'cynical'. Call it 'glass half empty'. Whatever your choose to call it, I feel this way is better than be blindsided by reality when the one guy or girl that you would never dream would do such a thing...actually does!
Consider it.
I am not saying think the worst about people, I am simply saying don't close the option out. If you are 'shocked and appalled' it will show and those people may never get help. I am not saying start freaking out because your significant other is a very good Christian and a leader in the church, he/she is faithful and loyal and detests porn that you should doubt what they tell you.
I am just saying that no matter how hurt you are by finding this out, consider the fact that they may be hurting much worse and just didn't know how to tell you.
If you walk in on them or if they have the guts to tell you the last thing they need is to be reprimanded. Love and compassion will go a lot further. Ask them what you can do to help. If they need an accountability partner be that for them. Don't do it in a demeaning manner but one of encouragement. If they don't feel comfortable with you being their accountability partner, which is likely, don't be offended. Ask them if there is someone they would feel comfortable being accountable to. If they fall back into it pick them back up and keep praying.
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This has been on my heart for a while. I just haven't had a chance to post it. I usually try to keep my posts light. I didn't go off the deep end but I have had a few friends share some things with me recently that they were struggling with.
link | posted by Sweet Yet Sassy at 6:59 AM
1 Comments:
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Unknown had this to say:
It probably isn't a bad assumption to make. Most men I know at least consider it a temptation. Many women I know do as well.
I often get responses on my blog posts from women who have husbands with this issue (see http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/ go to "Wives of Porn Addicts" category). There is a real need for women to vent their confusion and frustration about this issue, to get wise feedback and information about how to proceed in their relationship with their husbands. It has become such a prevalent issue in our culture today.- 11:26 AM
