Why Be A Xerox Copy When You Can Be An Original?!
For the first 23 years of my life I believed I was too fat! I had very few opinions of my own and the opinions I did have I kept to myself for fear that I wouldn't be liked by those around me.
My questions are: How does one get to that point?! And once you get to that point how do you reverse that mindset?
How I got to that point...
First of all, every person in my circle of friends seemed to be very thin. Not only were they very thin, they were always going on the latest fad diets. Now for me, the girl in the 7th grade who weighed 98 pounds and her friends only weighed 89-92 pounds, this was HUGE! I started wearing baggy shirts and always wore my coat to cover my body. (Looking back I realize that only made me look bigger?!) I was always bigger than my friends, even if it was by 5-10 pounds.
Second, everyone told me I looked just like another member in my family. This member was slightly overweight but not in excess. Always hearing that they needed to lose weight made me think that I needed to as well. (After all I did look like them.)
When I looked through fashion magazines with friends I always asked them what they liked first and then I adamantly agreed with them. I never spoke first to risk embarrassment.
I was very sensitive and took everything personal. Sarcasm cut me to the core.
Now I had always heard the phrase, "If you don't love yourself first, you can't be loved or love others completely!" I never believed it...after all I loved people.... Didn't I?!
Most of you know that at one point I was married. I got married at 19. (I don't suggest this!...especially if either of you lack self-esteem. Become whole complete individiuals alone so that your spouse will only compliment your attributes not fill a void you didn't let God fill.) My husband loved me more than anyone in this world. He told me EVERYday how beautiful he thought I was. I would generally respond with, "Why do you think that?!" or talk about the weight I needed to lose. (I don't suggest this either!) In 2000, we found out we were going to have a baby. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant I noticed he stopped telling me I was beautiful. When I asked him about it, he told me that he still thought I was the most beautiful woman he had ever met but he got tired of me questioning his opinion and tired of me complaining about how fat I was. ??!?!?! WOW! That hit me like a ton of bricks!
How I reversed that mindset...
To the me I am now: How did I change my circumstances and improve my self-esteem?!
During our divorce, I was reading a book "Winning Your Husband Back Before It Is Too Late" by Gary Smalley. In the book it talks about the fact that before you can start on the issue of keeping your husband you have to make sure you are a complete person. Uhm, yes...sounds good!
You have to have 10 compliments for every negative comment made. Good Grief! This was going to take some effort. I had years to make up for!
EVERYday, I wrote positive, uplifting, sometimes relatively funny compliments on my mirror. For example: You are an amazing, beautiful woman, with or without make-up, with or without clothes! (Yes this is hilarious but women tend to think better of themselves under the mask of make-up and clothes and less of themselves without it!) The first few weeks I cracked up laughing when I read them to myself out loud over and over. I also wrote myself an apology note. (Laugh if you want but it was a huge relief!) I realized the things I said about myself I wouldn't EVER say to someone else. I put the note in perspective that I had said those things to someone else. I read it over and over as well.
It wasn't an easy process. It took close to a year and prayer to reverse the bad effects. But it was the best year and a turning point in my life!
I now love the me God made me to be! I believe it is important to exercise but I no longer strive to be like everyone else, whether it is to be smaller or to look like they do. I am very opinionated and love every minute of it! :) I am very strong and independent and love me for me!
I realize that just because a person may look perfect on the outside their inner beauty may be lacking.
Points to Ponder
Be careful who you compare your kids too. They may not think it is a compliment. Make sure you highlight their strong points and encourage them to be unique and love who God made them to be.
Learn how to take a compliment! You are calling the person giving the compliment a liar when you discount their compliment. Say thank you! Don't add any commentary of your own about why you disagree. No one likes to be around somebody that is always negative.
Be careful who your close friends are. If they are negative you will become negative. If they are positive and uplifting you will be too!
It is perfectly okay to look your best....just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Eat right and work out daily to stay healthy but don't make your weight a focus. Part of why I weighed more than my friends was because I was muscle and they weren't. It makes a difference.
Your smaller friends don't always stay small.
Don't change something about you to impress a significant other! That person may not be someone you eventually want to spend a lifetime with! The original you may be just who your Romeo/Juliet is looking for and you don't want to risk losing them by changing for somebody else!
Other people's opinions may not always be the best. Don't change the way you feel or believe just to be like them.
You never know who is looking up to you or how you influence them. You may be somebody else's positive reinforcement and they may be hoping to be more like you!
Everyone has flaws. More often than not, we compare our flaws to other people's strong points. This isn't fair to you!
God made you special. You are an important part of his creation! Don't insult his work of art - YOU! Psalm 139:13-14 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
DON'T BE A XEROX COPY WHEN YOU CAN BE AN ORIGINAL!!
So....on to other things for now!
It is funny that I have lived in my new very FIRST home for almost 2 years now! It is hard to believe it has taken me this long to unpack and put everything it its own place! I had more storage space in the 2 bedroom apartment with walk in closets than I do in my 3 bedroom home!
This week I was snowed in ALL week. I got home at noon last Friday and didn't drive anywhere until the next Friday at 5:30 when I finally had to go to shopping.
I got to clean and organize just about everything. It was so refreshing. Since L'il C was out of school I had a couple of kids come over to entertain her....so I wouldn't have to! HA! It is hard since she is an only child.
For the first time in FOREVER I actually got to sit down and read a book. On top of that I was able to enjoy it because I knew my house was clean and L'il C was entertained!
What a life! For a moment I thought I was a stay at home mom.......only for a moment as I am back at work and know that as a single mom a stay at home mom is a luxury I am not allowed at the moment! :) But....it was indeed a NICE moment!!
For those of you that read my blog this time last year before I deleted it, you can remember L'il C's party was Candyland! That took way to much time and more money than I meant! HA! She was overwhelmed with all of the attention and I became overwhelmed!
So this year, we did the All-American birthday at McDonald's! Instead of 22 kids we had 9! Things were a lot less hectic! Woo Hoo! And can you believe it?! She enjoyed it without all of the stress!
But my mom did make her cake and I told her that as long as she was alive she would be making L'il C's cake! Why have a store bought cake when my mom is the best???
Happy Birthday Baby Girl! Mommy Loves You SO Big Tall!
